I already know that this post is going to bother some people.  But after spending the last two weekends at huge tournaments surrounded by players, parents, and coaches who are equally  passionate about succeeding, I feel this needs to be said.

 

A few times every season, I need to rant.  I’m starting early this year.  So here it goes.

 

There is one HUGE problem that is plaguing girls hockey right now that players, parents and coaches all have to take responsibility for.  Not only is it destroying players’ confidence and causing infighting among team members, but it almost always back-fires.

 

We have completely gotten away from the TEAM FIRST mentality.

 

It’s all about “me”…

… “I’ve got to score goals so I get noticed and recruited”.
… “But coach – I play centre, not wing”.
… “If I was out there in the final minute of the game, we would have won.”

… and I’m sure you can come up with many more examples of how you’ve seen your teammates, parents or coaching staff use negativity towards someone else in order to make themselves feel better.

 

We want to play the BLAME game.

– Players blaming their teammates for the loss.
– Parents blaming their daughter’s coach or teammates for a poor performance.
– Coaches blaming questionable calls for losses.
It’s time to “own up”.  We want to blame everyone else when things don’t go our way, instead of taking responsibility for our role in it.

 

You don’t lose hockey games because one player on your team doesn’t pass the puck to you on a 2-on-1.  You don’t lose because the coach  put the “wrong” players out on the power-play.  And you don’t lose because that one kid on your team missed the last 3 practices.

 

All those things may contribute to the loss. But they aren’t the direct cause. Every single member of the team contributes to every win and loss.  Last time I checked, hockey was still a team sport.  You win together and you lose together – period.  And when you start blaming certain players and coaches, or questioning decisions, here’s the message you’re sending:

 

::::  When The Going Gets Tough, And You Don’t Come Out On Top, It’s NOT Your Fault. ::::

 

And that turns into a slippery slope very quickly.  It’s always easier to blame someone else or something else for the loss. It’s a lot harder to take responsibility for your part in the loss and focus on what you need to do to prevent it from happening again.

 

Becoming the best isn’t about making everyone else feel worse. It’s about making the harder choices, looking at yourself in the mirror and being 100% honest with yourself.

So….

 

=> Parents:  The next time you get in the car with your daughter and start going off about the bad decisions the coach made or the actions of the other players on your team, please think of the message that you are sending your daughter.

 

=> Coaches:  The next time you find yourself ranting and raving about how the ref screwed up the game, or about how the other team won only because their coach “stole” all the best players from another team, please think of the message that you are sending your players, parents and staff.
=> Players:  The next time you decide that saying negative things about one of your teammates will make you feel better about your own game, think about how you would feel if you found out one of your teammates was saying the same kinds of things about you.

 

You chose to be involved with a team sport. Which means that you’ve got to act in a way that supports and nourishes the team environment,  even if you’re convinced that someone else screwed everything up.  And in order to be successful, you’ve got to come together in the hard times – not pull apart.   TEAM FIRST. YOU SECOND.
 

Thanks for reading this message – please keep it in mind as you go through this new season and pass it along to anyone else that you think might benefit from it.

 

Keep Working Hard, Dreaming BIG and Taking Responsibility.

 

Your friend and coach,
 

Kim
Kim McCullough, MSc, YCS

Director, Total Female Hockey
Girls Hockey Director, PEAC School For Elite Athletes