By far the biggest difference between boys and girls hockey players
is confidence. Boys tend to be over-confident in their abilities.
When a boy goes out and scores a goal, he walks around the next day
thinking he is a bit of a “hot-shot”. This isn’t a bad thing at all
– it’s great to have a lot of confidence. On the other hand, girls
tend to be very under-confident in their abilities. They tend to
downplay their accomplishments.  I know this first-hand because I
was guilty of putting myself down throughout my entire high school
career and I have worked with hundreds of young players who do the
same thing.

A few seasons ago, there was a young player on my peewee team that
scored her first ever goal in a game and actually went on to score
a hat-trick.  I was so excited to congratulate her after the game.
But instead of being happy with her performance and proud of her
accomplishment, all she could focus on was the one stupid pass she
made in the second period that resulted in a breakaway and goal by
the  other team.  There she was after scoring her first ever
hat-trick and she was focusing on her mistakes instead of her
successes. The sad thing is that I wasn’t surprised by her reaction
at all.  It is an all-too-common characteristic among young female
hockey players.  We don’t do it because we are fishing for
compliments or don’t think we are any good. The truth is that many
players downplay their accomplishments because they are scared of
being good.  If they push themselves to be the best and aspire to
play at the highest level possible, they are scared of how they are
going to be judged.

To give you an idea of how “true” this is, I’ve spoken to thousands
of aspiring players at workshops this past season, and all of them
acknowledged that this is something they worry about once they
start taking the action necessary to achieve their goals.  Once
they start pushing harder in practice, finishing every drill to the
end (even when many of their teammates ease up), and doing all the
“little” things like stretching after every game and doing extra
off-ice training throughout the season, she starts to worry that
her teammates might think that she thinks she is better than them
because she is trying so hard to be her best.  As strange as it
might sound, girls hockey players are sometimes scared of standing
out from the crowd.  Girls don’t necessarily want to be praised in
the front of the team for doing something well because they don’t
want to people to think that they aren’t part of the group.

The truth is that it takes a tremendous amount of strength to be set
apart from the crowd.  It is a challenge to set lofty goals and
passionately pursue them every day when the rest of your teammates
don’t have the same aspirations as you.  It is scary to think that
people might judge you as a result of your actions and that you
might not reach your ultimate goals.  It takes a tremendous amount
of strength and confidence to go after your dreams when there is a
chance you won’t be completely supported or completely successful.

Coaches and parents – we must work with our young athletes and help
them to build the confidence they need to move closer to their
dreams.  Girls – own your accomplishments and realize that even if
not everyone else shares your passion, the only person you really
need to answer to at the end of the day is yourself.  And if you
are proud of what you’ve accomplished, that’s what really counts.

Work Hard. Dream BIG.

Your friend and coach,

Kim

Kim McCullough, MSc, YCS
Director & Founder, Total Female Hockey
http://www.totalfemalehockey.com